HO HO HO, here I am! 

Like Santa!
Can you feel my big round belly?! 
Can you see my little tippey toes?! 
What about my bald head?!
Can you feel me now!?
 

This is my gift to you:  to make you GLOW with laughter, to fill your stomach with hilarity.  As well as the dark and deep, and poignancy of life, the wounds  and challenges, there is the HILARITY, the utter comedic story, running through everything.  

And the darkest humor is always the best.

Your humor is your spirit, and the flame of life in your heart.

And that glow that lives in your belly - take every opportunity to laugh. It is one of the best things about being in a body.

In my inner visioning, opening to receive images, symbols, and messages, the first time I purposefully tuned in to my muse, the first thing I saw was a huge, disembodied, Cheshire cat grin radiating such humor, fun and mischief. Since then, I’ve noticed repeatedly this trickster aspect of my muse. Here is a prime example…

In a class with Shiloh Sophia McCloud, we all were going to paint the “Queen of My Own Heart.”  Other women had begun sharing their versions online of their beautiful queens.  I was a bit behind, working on some other paintings, but, knew I too wanted my queen to be beautiful, wearing a bejeweled crown and adornments.

When I tuned in to begin my painting, what appeared instead was the iconic image of Venus of Willendorf, faceless with big breasts and curved hips. My visceral reaction to this vision was, “Noooooo! I don’t want to paint that!”  

Unfortunately, post-transplant, with the side effects of my prescription drug regimen, I was piling on poundage, to the tune of (la la la) thirty-five of ‘em in just a few short months.  On top of that, the prednisone made me feel hungry all.the.time, even after I had just eaten. I was having a difficult time adjusting to carrying more weight and how I looked, especially since it packed on so fast. 

Suffice to say, I had absolutely no desire to paint this image of a huge-bodied woman. At the same time, I found it quite funny that this image appeared - perfection really.

Pondering how I would even begin to paint her, my Muse responded to my resistance with, “Paint me with LARGER curves!”  This struck me as so funny and at the same time, hit such a nerve around my appearance, I ran and threw myself on my bed, alternately crying and laughing in short oscillations, tears running down my face – a most relieving and delightful, purge of pent-up emotion. 

With so much joy in her being, painting her helped me be with my own body as is and the new weight of me. As she emerged, so did this realm of femininity and fertility, beauty and blood, magic and wonder.

Big Momma Queen Muse is truly, The Queen of My Own Heart.